Currently Listening Let Love In By The Goo Goo Dolls Better Days see related

Good Morning =)

Wow. I havent updated this thing in a very long time. 0.0;

Well it is April now. Yeah, a big jump from November to April..>.<;;

Well i guess i will give a quick update about what has happened these past few months. January- uh, nothing really. February- Steven came for my birthday and suprised me, and i got to spend every single day with him. It was awesome. I also made All-State Chorus, and made the first in the District, which shocked the hell outta me. And thats all for February. March- umm had a lot of concerts,  That was pretty much all of march. April- Spring Break Baby! I went to Texas for a week to see Steven. It was probably the best Spring Break I had ever had. I loved it there, well rather i loved being there with him. And then also Virginia Tech had a major shooting last week, where 32 people died and also the killer. They are having Memorials today i think. It was very sad =(

Umm lets see im driving now. Well not by myself yet, but i have gotten better at it =)

Thats really all there is to write now. I will update again, sometime later.

Tootles!

-Laura

Currently Listening Bodies By Drowning Pool see related

Day After Thanksgiving

Hey its been awhile since i have written in here. Well its about 2 hours into the day after Thanksgiving "Black Friday" and I am at Joy's house. Joy and I will be stayin up all night tonight, cause were going shopping at 5am. This shall be interesting, lol.

Well lets see...what havent i mentioned yet? Thanksgiving was good. I had two Thanksgiving meals. One with Joy's family, and one with mine. I got to talk to Steven today =)

Speaking of him, I get to go see him in the summer time in  Texas! I am soo excited! He is also moving back to Virginia in the summer, which made me even more excited =D.

I love him so much, its unreal.

I LOVE STEVEN SMITH!!!

okay, got that outta my system. Haha. As you can tell, this is a happy journal entry. And i am happy again =)

hehe

well tootles for now

Laura

Currently Listening Anywhere But Home (w/ bonus DVD) By Evanescence Anywhere see related

The feelings of the Growing Heart

Head full of stress

My body feels weak

Eyes

With tears building up behind them

Heart full of fear

I start to tremble

In the dark of my room

I feel so cold

No warmth around me

Im afraid I messed up

The silence is killing me

My fear rises with every word you dont speak

I have said too much

I didnt want it to get this way

I never heard you sound so silent

Why did I open my mouth

My eyes begin to flood

Drops of liquid fall from my eyes

I choke back a cry

I dont want you to hear the sounds of my sobs

I only ever wanted you to see was my smile

I really screwed up this time

I didnt want things to change

Im afraid that I scared you away

Even though you reassured me that I didnt

But the cloud of fear is still over me

You return to being silent

Im afraid to know what your thinking

My face now soaked with tears

I try and break the tension with a joke

You dont laugh

I couldnt take the silence anymore

I dont want to lose you

My feelings cant help but grow stronger with every second

I choke back on the words

I stay silent as well

My fear is draining my hopes

In the dark, silent, cold room

I cant help but love you

I know you have feelings for me too

Your afraid to share them

You as well as I have been thru bad relationships

But Im different then the women you have dated before

If and when I become yours

I would never cheat

I would compelety belong to you

And I know you know that

All im asking is for a chance

With you the only thing anyone would ever see on my face is a smile

And I hope that one day you can return these feelings

Until then,

Lets stop the silence

Stop the tears

Lets be happy together

Laugh together

And smile together

And I promise you

I'll try my best to never let you down <3

Currently Listening Phobia By Breaking Benjamin Diary of Jane see related

Feeling Chipper =)

 HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY....frustraited....HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!!

I am happy and frustraited at the same time. Im happy cause Steven makes me the happiest girl ever. I -heart- him soo much!!! Im like in giddy school girl stage right now. Its.........weird. Man if he was right here, instead of in Texas, then i would be the happiest girl in the Universe..but he isnt here...he is in that damn Texas. I hope he comes for my graduation. I would be so estatic! =D We can talk on the phone for hours, and when we get off, i miss him already. Right now, his voice is all i have, and i just cant get enough. I miss him a lot. If i were in Texas right now, i would run and jump on him and make out with him for hours. Heh, and were not even dating..>.<;; So bizarre. Lol.

Well the reason why im frustraited has to do with two things. Firstly, Family Values has been cancled. Which REALLY pissed me off, cause i was sooo looking foward to seeing Korn. Im really really pissed about that.

The second thing i am frustraited about also has to do with Steven. I like him so much, it hurts. To not be with him, its like, a knife stabbing in my chest over and over and over again. Its funny, because when i was with Bryan, i would get sooo pissed when other girls would talk to him, but with Steven i dont. Its like he can do his thing and i can do mine. I guess thats the good thing about being single. But even though im free to do whatever the hell i want, i dont, just because i have come to like him soo damn much. I dont know if he has done anything else or not, its one thing i wont ask him, cause one its not my buisness, and two, if he has, i dont want to know. Because that will make me upset, so i just tell myself he hasnt, and i really dont think he has, cause im usualy on the phone with him almost every night. He gets me to where i am at my happiest and i love that about him. He says that i dont want to like a guy like him, but in my eyes, there is nothing wrong with him at all. I love everything about him. He just makes me feel...like i can be myself around him and he wont judge me. I have never met a guy like that. I mean, yes there is a big age difference, but at this point, i dont care at all. To me, when it deals with Steven, age doesnt matter. You cant help who you fall for. And i have fallen for him. This feeling is soo much different than Bryan's. Like i still care for Bryan deeply, and i still love him, but Steven's its like, a worry free kinda thing. Im not constantly worried about what he is doing or who he is with. I think its great =D. It sets my heart free. He is the only person who can make me laugh when i am completly down and upset. The only person. I mean, when i first met Steven, it was on the night that Bryan broke up with me, and he was the only one that night that made me laugh. I didnt think that was possable, but somehow he did. He has such a good heart. I tell him that he is gentle and kind, but he begs to differ, haha which i find so cute, cause i tell him that he is gentle and kind to me, and thats all that matters to me. Well okay, im going to stop rambling now. Till next time. Tootles.

-Laura*`

Currently Listening The Open Door By Evanescence see related

Feeling really Low...

Im feeling really depressed again. I just feel like screaming and crying for some reason. No wonder people get sick of me...i can never stay happy... I dont know what to do anymore...i hate myself...im so insecure with everything...i need to put my walls back up. I let some of them down for Steven...but im thinking i should probably put them back up...just because...i just feel...that he is already getting tired of me...i dont know...i mean i havent gotten any hints from him or anything...but eventually everyone does, so what makes him different...it just really sucks...cause i really really like him. Im falling for him, i know i am. Cause when i do talk to him, i seem to be at my happiest. When i am on the phone, i never want to hang up. I love hearing his voice. It just really sucks, cause i probably wont ever be able to tell him how i feel. I would probably scare him away. I dont want to come on too strong, so im just gonna hold it in. I really wish....that he would move back here, I miss him so much. I hate not being able to be with him, be in his arms. He made me feel safe and secure and warm. I never had such a great feeling. It was so different than how Bryan's was. With Bryan i was always constantly worring...but i wasnt with Steven. Its difficult to describe. Im gonna find some lyrics that remind me of how i feel.

Before the Dawn- Evanescence

Meet me after dark again and I'll hold you
I am nothing more than to see you there
And maybe tonight, we'll fly so far away
We'll be lost before the dawn

If only night can hold you where i can see you, my love
Then let me never ever wake again
And maybe tonight, we'll fly so far away
We'll be lost before the dawn

I wish i could tell him how i feel. It would take the heavy burdan i have off of me. But im gonna have to keep hiding it, until i know when the time is right to tell him, but a part of me knows, that, that day may never come.

-Laura